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Thursday, June 2nd, 2011
1:51 pm - Writer's Block: Born this way
If you were a cross-breed between two animals, what animals would they be, and why?

A Platypotamus. I'd make people laugh, then get angry and chase them away.

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Monday, July 26th, 2010
5:34 pm - A Few Words
It's not that I felt I was too good for you.  It's that I never felt good enough--

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Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
10:40 am - Beautiful
Beautiful

I know it pains you
To be called beautiful
It tortures you
To hear what you believe
To be lies on the rampage
and attempts to pillage
Your sacred loins

But beautiful you are
In a myriad of ways
It is a weighty burden you
Will have to yoke
No matter the time you spend
Wandering this waking dream

You ponder the situation
"What does he desire from me?"
and "What is his motive?"
even "Is he mocking me?"

The naked truth is that you are beautiful
Every flaw is another infinity
Added to the equation
Of your character
Every disaster another monument
To your humanity
And every kiss you bestow a prayer
Inside the temple of my desire.

(C)2009 Craig Allen Hinkle

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Monday, March 9th, 2009
1:01 pm - How's this Livejournal thing work again?
I've been gone a long time...

and in that time, nothing of note has happened.

There's nothing to see here.

Move along.

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Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
8:05 am - Best Comic Ever!

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Monday, January 5th, 2009
7:06 pm - 2009
So, it's 2009 and I'm sitting here typing a Livejournal entry on my wireless keyboard and my display is a 47" 1080p HDTV.  I have almost no bills to speak of, and my cancer has not returned.

Two years ago, I was $30k in debt, with a puny 27" CRT TV, recovering from a pair of surgeries to remove tumors from my kidneys. 
oh, and the only woman to ever successfully pull me out of my shell had just dumped me too. 

Funny how life can turn around...

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Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
2:38 pm
Yes, I know life can suck.  Bad things happen to everyone, even me. We can smack ourselves in the head for our mistakes or we can pick ourselves up and smile.  I'm all for smiling when life decks me.  After all, would you be more scared of someone who cried when you broke their nose... or smiled?

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Tuesday, October 21st, 2008
12:52 pm - For Trish and other Twitterers...

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Tuesday, October 14th, 2008
3:24 pm - The Problem with Atheism
The Problem with Atheism

Atheism. The belief that deity is an invalid concept and that gods do not exist. It offends, frightens, and often provokes violent outbursts. Your belief says God exists? Atheism tells you you're wrong. Allah will reward your toils here on earth in the afterlife? Atheism says that there is no divine reward waiting for you, and it even suggests that there is nothing beyond death. Atheism embraces all of the things humans have feared for thousands of years. Atheism spits in the face of faith and demands evidence for all things. Atheism is provocative, but at the same time people who are atheists often keep to themselves and allow others to continue to believe in their "primitive religions."

Why are atheists so insular? It is my experience that most of them are so quiet about their belief because of its unpopularity and the propensity of zealots to cause harm to people who challenge them. Being an "open" atheist is difficult. It severely limits your ability to interact with others, especially with those who have strong faith. Atheism is also antagonistic. A believer can quote scripture, recount events, and impart wisdom during a conversation, and in response an atheist can simply say it is all invalid because there is no concrete evidence to support the fundamental belief, as seems to be the case in all faith based instances.

People will fire back with 'Prove there isn't a God!' There is no proof of the non-existence of God, just as there is no proof of the non-existence of Gandalf or Santa Claus. It is utter nonsense, but because there is no counterargument with proof, then there is no way you can change their mind. You are at an eternal impasse.

Atheism isn't very romantic or comforting. While atheism doesn't specifically deny there is an afterlife, it does deny the precepts most afterlife religions need to allow one. Death is final. Life is a moment in an unfathomable calendar. All things die. Some are fortunate enough to be replaced. What happens after death is irrelevant. Atheism strips away the warmth of childhood and thrusts a naked psyche into the harsh truth that people are only as important as they allow themselves to be, and that no one is safe from the erosion of time. All is forgotten. Nothing in the Universe can stop it.

Atheism lacks popularity because it destroys the comfort of imagination. It casts humanity into the chaotic soup of the cosmos, cold and alone. People don't want it to be true. That doesn't make it not true. The burden of proof is on the believer, and that is more than most can handle.

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Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
3:23 pm - i'm still alive
yep.  i'm here.  i wan't to talk about something.

but i have no idea what.

um...

i like cheese...

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Monday, August 18th, 2008
1:45 pm - without
without If only one person can make you smile
If someone in your life lends you reason to live
If you're incomplete without that "special someone"
If you believe that happiness is supposed to be easy...

You're an IDIOT.

You should find happiness in yourself
You should live because life is precious
You should be whole in your own Universe
You should know that real happiness requires hard work

Because love isn't a medicine that heals all wounds
And infatuation is simply preparation for procreation
Find peace in yourself and to hell with what your parents taught you
You don't need anyone else to make life awesome
Because it already is

Open your eyes
And get your head out of your ass
Learn from your mistakes
Instead of trying to fix them in someone else's shadow

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Thursday, August 7th, 2008
3:07 pm - Writer's Block: God For a Day
If you could be God for a day, what three things would be at the top of your to-do list?
1. I'd let everyone know I existed, and that if they didn't want to follow me they wouldn't be punished for thinking for themselves.

2. I'd set it in motion that when I turned back into plain old Craig, I'd be gifted with the ability to manually fabricate items to do tasks that I desire, quickly, easily, and efficiently.

3. I would turn Mars, Venus, and the Moon into lush paradises and perfect places for humans.

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Saturday, July 5th, 2008
3:30 pm - The world has become even darker...
Sandi Newcomb passed today.

She was one of the nicest, most giving people I have ever known.  Losing her to the battle against cancer shows me the cruelest part of life itself.

I love you Sandi.  I hope I'm wrong and there's a heaven for you to go to.

current mood: devastated

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Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
12:32 pm - Stolen from mice
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
Some blue art from the free gallery at digitalblasphemy.com

Q. How many televisions you have in your house?
 one.

BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Lefty.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
two cancerous tumors.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
a 21" CRT.

Q. Have you ever been knocked out?
Only from anesthesia.

BULLSHITOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
why not?

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Allen.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
Any blue.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item?
Yes. Wax.

DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Nope.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
Yes.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000
Yes.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
Yes.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Easily.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
Which human?

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
Cellphone.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
Nope.  Abysmal.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
Carpet.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
Stand.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
Zero.

LASTOLOGY
Q: Last person who texted you?
Kari.

Q: Last person who called you?
Kari.

Q: Person you hugged?
Kari.

FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
1969.

Q: Season?
Winter.

Q: Color?
Black.  And shut the hell up if you think black isn't a color.

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Mood?
Manic.

Q: Listening to?
CPU fans MOCKING ME!

Q: Watching?
My livejournal "Post an Entry" page.

Q: Worrying about?
Money.

Q: Wearing?
Hemp sweater, blue jeans, and walking shoes.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
POOPIES!

Q: What can you not wait to do?
Go home.

Q: Do you smile often?
Yes.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
Yes.

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Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
12:08 pm - No Country for Old Men? Sheesh...
I won't spoil anything here, even though I feel like saving you from the abyss of disappointment that is No Country for Old Men, but I am a man who believes you have the right to feel ridiculous, so I will let it be. 

Seriously. 

Don't watch it.  It sucks.  Watch Bee Movie or Horton Hears a Who instead.

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Wednesday, March 19th, 2008
9:32 am - Hypochondria, The Cure for Cancer, Coenzyme Q-10, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree
Those of you who know me know that I'm a hypochondriac. I worry about having everything in the Universe, from the Asian bird flu to HIV, and up until a couple years ago, it had always been a false alarm.

Until I was right for once.

I had cancer. Kidney cancer. One of the "silent killer" diseases which usually goes undetected until it is way too late. I was so worried about my health a couple years ago that I pushed the doctor's to give me tests and twisted the very system itself to get tests which I would normally not get approved for, and it (my hypochondria) saved my life. After my surgeries, I knew (being the hypochondriac I am) it wasn't even close to over. You see, I had clear cell cancer on both kidneys, without metastases in between. The odds of such a thing happening in a human being without an error in one of the Y-chromosome pairs is millions to one. What that likely means is that I have a familial autosomal disorder, such as Von-Hippel Lindau Disease (or VHL) or Birt-Hogg-Dube Syndrome (or BHD.)

Symptoms of VHL:
Untreated, VHL may result in blindness and permanent brain damage; death is usually caused by complications of tumors in the brain or kidney, cardiovascular disease secondary to pheochromocytoma.

Symptoms of BHD:

        - Skin bumps (Fibrofolliculomas) (this symptom is not present in all people with BHD)
        - Lung cysts / blebs
        - Spontaneous lung collapse(spontaneous pneumothorax)
        - Kidney cancer
        - Colon polyps and tumors


Believe it or not, BHD is more likely in my instance, even though it is a rarer disease.  My mother has been suffering from pneumothorax and an abundance of colon polyps, while I've dealt with cancer. What will I have to do to deal with it?  Regular check-ups.  Oh, and a vasectomy.  That's about it.  Why am I sharing this with you?  Well, it is a blog.  I need to get it off my chest so I can maybe hear from a few of you and you can share your opinions with me.

Coenzyme Q10 and High Fructose Corn Syrup (good and EVIL):

Coenzyme Q-10 (CoQ-10): Over the past couple of years, I've done extensive research into nutrition as medicine.  This means examining the positive and negative effect of food on biochemistry.  In this study, I found that a common substance, similar in structure and function to a vitamin, is present in every cell in the human body, sans blood and eye lens cells as they have no mitochondria.  Coenzyme Q10 is found in highest concentration  in a healthy heart and liver, while diseased organs show a significantly lower quantity.  Since I've begun supplementing my diet with 100mg of CoQ-10, I've discovered energy I haven't had in 20 years!   And before you ask, no there's nothing in these pills but CoQ-10. 

High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS): This one is the one that "health nuts" rally against and call evil.  I used to be a skeptic, but I think I've seen enough evidence to believe that HFCS is significantly worse for the human body than table sugar.  It spikes your blood glucose higher than sugar, it is cheaper (due to sugar tariffs placed on Cuban sugar in the '60s), and it does not occur in nature, being first developed by Richard O. Marshall and Earl R. Kooi in 1957, then perfected by the Japanese in the 70s and released onto the American public from 1975-present.  Since HFCS has been introduced, American waistlines have ballooned.  Some blame our consumer culture while others blame HFCS.  I believe the truth lies somewhere in between.  I've seen how the French eat at times, and I've seen how the Germans eat, and they don't eat less than Americans.  The difference is, they eat foods with sugar and we eat foods with HFCS.  HFCS plus our fast food culture (which includes lots of soda loaded with HFCS) has pretty much bankrupted most of America's nutritional conscience.  We are a nation of gourmands.   Oh, and before you're even allowed to poo-poo my idea, try avoiding HFCS.  Read the ingredients of everything you eat.  You'll see that it's in just everything you eat, from ketchup to candy, from spaghetti sauce to fruit juice.  Why?  Because it has a longer shelf life than sugar,  its cheaper to transport in liquid form, and it is sweeter than sugar.  Oh, and it's cheaper in America because of the sugar tariffs.  They use sugar in Europe...

I know you think I've become one of those blithering idiots, but I don't believe for a second it's some conspiracy.  It's just economics with a human cost.  No maliciousness and no master plan... just a bunch of accountants trying to increase their bottom line at the cost of our waistline...

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Thursday, February 14th, 2008
11:04 am - Love?
Given today is Valentine's Day, I thought I'd pontificate on the definition of love:

(this information is from www.mirriamwebster.com and is the English definition only.)
Main Entry:
1love Listen to the pronunciation of 1love
Pronunciation:
\ˈləv\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lēof dear, Latin lubēre, libēre to please
Date:
before 12th century
1 a (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b: an assurance of love <give her my love>
2
: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a
: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> b (1): a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2)British —used as an informal term of address
4 a: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1): the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2): brotherly concern for others b: a person's adoration of God
5
: a god or personification of love
6: an amorous episode : love affair
7: the sexual embrace : copulation
8
: a score of zero (as in tennis)
9
: capitalized Christian Science : god

at love
: holding one's opponent scoreless in tennis
in love
: inspired by affection

--

A pretty bland explanation, isn't it?  The attempt to quantify the emotion of love (or pretty much any emotion) seems to diminish it.  Just as in my previous entry I told you there were many types of fear, there seems to be more than one type of love.  This, however, is incorrect.  There is one type of love, as in the traditional sense of the word.  Given the English languages tendencies to use a single word to describe many things and create a misasma of confusion, I think it may be time to disqualify most of the above definitions.

1 a (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
Affection.  This is a very skewed word.  Affection is a soft feeling that some who claim to love never feel.  To them, love is busting your ass sixty hours a week and  making it look easy while juggling busy weekends with soccer practice and doctor's visits.  It means sometimes being the bad guy who has to punish.  Love isn't affection or obligation.  I'd say this first definition is invalid.

(2)
: attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers.
This one is easy.  Attraction is not love, or I'd be in love with Angelina Jolie, and like the definition above, affection is not something expressed by everyone who loves.

(3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b: an assurance of love <give her my love>
Well now.  There's affection again. BZZT! WRONG!  Benevolence?  Do only benevolent people love?  Are only benevolent people loved?  I'd have to say no.  Common interests?  What, are we reducing love to the level of some kind of club?  CLUB LOVE!  That sounds sincere.  An assurance of love?  People lie about love all the time.  It doesn't make it love.  Wrong too.

2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
Attachment!  I think we have a winner!  Warm attachment? No.  Look at Wuthering Heights.  Love is not always warm.  Enthusiasm?  Again, love is sometimes quite reserved.  Devotion?  No.  Some people are devoted to causes and generals but they do not love them.  But devotion is close.  Devotion and attachment.  There may be a little to this one...

3 a: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> b (1): a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2)British —used as an informal term of address
Can you love something that isn't even alive?  Is it healthy?  If I professed my love for a nickel collection, would that make me strange?  I'd say you can only truly love something alive or which contains living beings.  I suppose someone could love the L.A. Dodgers, but I think that's more of a devotion and a fascination or envy than love.  Terms of endearment?  Not love.

4 a: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1): the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2): brotherly concern for others b: a person's adoration of God
Unselfish?  There's a HUGE misstatement.  No one is unselfish.  We, as human beings, are driven by self.  The desire to be with someone and to have someone in our lives is driven by the self.  Unselfish is impossible.  Selfish is NOT a bad thing.  We'll tackle God below.  A brotherly concern for others?  There's an interesting sentence.  Why brotherly?  How about a kinship with others?  A bond with others that have common interests and whose lives enrich our own.  It still isn't love.  I'd call that community (in a utopic sense.)

6: an amorous episode : love affair
7: the sexual embrace : copulation

Love?  No.  Lust.  The animal desire to procreate is NOT love.  If it was, then longworms feel love.  Hell, they probably don't even feel lust.  This is instinct, pure and simple.  The desire to continue the species by mating with a specimen of above average quality.

8: a score of zero (as in tennis)
We all know that this isn't love.  Gimme a break.

5: a god or personification of love
9: capitalized Christian Science : god
A god of love?  Sounds like backwash from the Ancient Greeks.  Superstition and mysticism trying to lend credibility to the human experience.  How about instead of trying to blame your decisions on an outside force, you accept that the people you love are your choices?
God.  The big 'G' god.  Master of the Universes.  The Creator.  If He exists, then it could be acceptable that He is Love, but not just Love.  He would have created love, but would never have limited Himself to just being it.  If God exists, He is something more than the sum of everything in our Universe.  To limit Him to one human emotion is preposterous!  God would be everything, and everything is NOT love.

But the true definition of love is up there in the definition.  It really is.  Attachment and devotion are REALLY close to what love is.  I'll give you my definition:

10: A strong attachment and empathy for the welfare of another.
I believe my definition trumps the other nine.  Love is more than desire or kindness.  Love is a sense of union and identity.  Love is extending your 'selfishness' onto another.

So, on this day of love, remember that while we may have a million definitions of love, there really is only one true love.  Appreciate the love offered you.  Embrace it and enjoy it, because it truly is a rare thing.  Thank you for your time.

current mood: chipper

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Monday, February 11th, 2008
1:57 pm - Philosophy of Fear
A great number of the people that I've had the pleasure of meeting in my life live in fear.  They live in fear of rejection, death, failure, success, love, pain, and the unknown.  They seek to avoid any situation where their fears could be realized.  What many of us fail to notice is that some of the most successful and admired people in the world are people who face those fears and either edure or conquer them. 

Your fears and your doubts are holding you back.  There are people who seek to keep you in fear, because a fearful person is easily controlled.  Fear is the control of the ages.  If you live your life in fear, you are the willing slave of someone else.  How do you conquer fear?  Embrace it.  Do NOT avoid it.  Face it, feel it, and become one with it.  Comprehension destroys fear.  Understand your fears, because fear is tempered by knowledge.

I'll give you an example from my own life.  I used to be afraid of talking to people.  It made my heart race and my mind go a billion miles an hour.  I avoided it because in doing so I didn't have to feel fear.  Fear is a valuable emotion, MUCH more necessary than you might know.  I faced my fear and let it wash over me, but I refused to cower.  I talked to people and experienced rejection and acceptance.  I met women and felt all the associated emotions, including healthy doses of fear and pain, along with love, gratification, and sexual elation.  I felt those things because when I was afraid, I let myself feel fear instead of doing whatever I could to avoid its catalyst.

There is more than one type of fear.  The fear which stops you from plunging a knife into your chest is different than the fear of walking up to someone you're attracted to showing interest.  The first, self-preservation, is a necessary fear which stops most humans from terminating themselves on a whim.  The second is your superego.  Your superego cannot easily accept that you could be rejected by someone, so it seeks to avoid any situation which could shatter that reality.  It is what makes you avoid that person, even though the real possibility exists that the other person might feel the same way about you.

Fear turns your mind on, believe it or not.  Fear causes your brain to go into what I'll call a "hyper recording mode" where all experiences are more detailed and robust.  Many people can remember details about a situation more clearly when they are afraid...

But keep in mind, hysterics are FAR different than fear.  Hysterics are when you let the fear overwhelm you to such an extent that all reason is thrown to the wind and you become an animal.  Your higher brain functions fail, and you shut out everything.  In this mode, you probably can't remember anything.  You've shut off your senses and you're on autopilot.

Fear intensifies things.  That's why some people are into strange sex practices, like erotic asphyxiation and severe torture.  Yes, some people are fear junkies.  As a matter of fact, a great number of people are.  Fear is the currency of choice for skydivers, extreme sports junkies, daredevils, and astronauts.  They understand that fear enhances life and is a necessary part of it.  They do not run from it.  They embrace it.

Do not shut out fear.  It is important.  Understand it, embrace it, control it.

current mood: chipper

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Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
9:38 pm - good news (so far)
the antibiotics are making me feel better, and while that does not rule out the possibility that i have a tumor, it does mean i may have had an infection causing the bleeding. :)

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Saturday, January 19th, 2008
7:10 pm - doctor's visit
just letting you all know, i went to the doctor because i was having urinary problems, and it turned out NOT to be an STD. i've got blood in my urine.

yeah.

the cancer might be back, or i may have a prostate infection, a groin injury, or reiter's syndrome. i'll let you all know when i know.

~craig

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